Many barrel racers battle with feelings of guilt or inadequacy for not being at the same level of competitiveness they were before prioritizing family or careers over barrel racing. Charmayne James discusses how to make the transition from high-level competition to running for fun a healthy and happy journey.
I made the decision to retire from rodeoing full time and competing at a high level to focus on raising my family and teaching others through my schools. At my clinics, I meet a lot of women who did the same thing. I feel like a lot of people feel that they are less-than, because they step back from barrel racing. They feel like they aren’t riding or performing exactly as they were before. When you go through that, it changes you, and it’s about learning to be OK with wherever you’re at and not accepting those negative feelings of, ‘I’m not as good.’
Making the Choice
I loved competing, loved rodeoing, but I wanted a family and wanted to spend time focusing on being a mom. I knew I could not devote the time to my family if I was rodeoing and winning was my main focus. When my kids were little, I wanted to be there with them. I made the conscious decision to stay home.
The things I miss are I had a lot of great friends, and we had fun going down the road. But in rodeo, there is an equal trade-off for all the fun — you have all the breakdowns, things that go haywire with rigs and horses and traveling — all the things that are not so pleasant.
When I stepped back from competing, it showed me how much I love my horses and love being around them. They were my parents, my teammates. Yes, it was a job, but once it stopped being my job, I still loved and appreciated them. I’m really thankful looking back that I kept that insight throughout my career and didn’t treat them like they were machines or some throw-away as soon as they couldn’t win for me anymore. I feel like it’s my duty from God to treat them all good, and now that it’s not my livelihood anymore, I can simply enjoy my time with them.
Drown Out Negative Noise
People may say hurtful things — one of the things we hear a lot is ‘You’ll never have your body back,’ or ‘You’ll never be the same or ride the same’ after you have kids. But I believe those are all just negative thoughts in your mind that don’t matter if you take care of yourself and work to stay healthy and in good shape.
People also said, ‘There’s no reason why you can’t rodeo and go with the kids and do it all.’ And some people do well doing that, but my heart wasn’t out on the road anymore. I had no problem stepping back from it. My boys are older now — one’s going to college next year and other one’s in high school — so I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
Find Happiness No Matter the Competition Level
If you’ve gotten older or have young kids and just want to go play and have fun with your horse, there’s nothing wrong with not having the ‘I have to go win’ drive anymore. Some people play gold or tennis, and you have the barrel races to enjoy running your horse and seeing your friends. That’s nothing to feel guilty about.
However, if you lost that drive and want to get it back, don’t be afraid to jump back in there. Don’t let your mind limit you by saying you can’t. It doesn’t come immediately back — you have to get out, find the right horse, set a goal and do what you have to do to get there, making the sacrifices and putting in the extra time. It also helps to treat yourself like an athlete again, maintaining your health, flexibility, and athletic ability. When you’re healthy, your mind is sharper, you have more clarity and the only thing that can hold you back is not having the right horse.
Seek Healthy Sources of Motivation
Social media can really distort your perception of yourself. When you see posts on social media, it’s human nature to think you’re not as good as them or you’ll never be this or that.
For a long time, I was the best at what I did. There’s other women who didn’t win much in barrel racing but are selling real estate or in charge of big companies. Should I feel bad that I can’t do that? Of course not — it wasn’t my life, and I didn’t take the time to work my way there. Don’t be hard on yourself or get stuck in the comparison game.
I also recommend finding a good motivational source. I listen to and read Jordan Peterson. He is a psychologist and helps people and women who feel that they’re caught in these boxes society wants to put us in. He has helped people move up in their jobs and in sports. He’s studied the mind and provides facts and figures — if you’re a thinker, I recommend checking out his stuff.
My biggest advice is do what you want to do, do what you like, and do what makes you happy. If anybody wants to judge you for where you’re at in your life at that stage, that’s their problem — don’t let other people dictate what’s best for you. Do what you’re happy with. Do what you’re comfortable with. Do what you’re capable of.
This article was originally published in the February 2023 issue of Barrel Horse News.
